Actually…. For six years my husband and I created and ran a 100% organic, certified fair-trade, bird-friendly, shade-grown coffee house. Even the milk and honey were certified organic and locally sourced from nearby dairy farms and non-smoker apiaries. We paid our employees well, gave them flex schedules and whatever benefits we could afford, and we actually gave a damn.

We had to charge 5¢ more just to compete with the local Starbucks and swill-stations nearby. We always lived on a razor-thin financial edge because of our values and commitments. Eventually we sold it to people who probably cared less, but certainly made a better profit.

Your sarcasm is delicious, on-point, and readily deserved by most outfits, but my hope is our customers appreciated our efforts—and our legacy isn’t looped into the joke.